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‘The difficult fourth blog’ - first posted 14/10/2012

14/10/2012

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'The difficult fourth blog' - Dreya's World
Photo by DreyaB
I’ve attempted to write this particular post four times now. It seems to be like a band’s ‘difficult third album’ (or is it second?). It got started before I went to France nearly four weeks ago. Inspiration hit me while I was there but, I was too busy doing things for the house and didn’t get time to get my thoughts down, and then the other day I actually sat down and wrote a piece, but thought it was too naff to post. So here I am again, giving it another go.

Working on the house and getting it ready to live in has been slow in some ways; we want things to happen quicker, we want to be there now, living the life we’ve planned, but things take time, (a lesson I should’ve learnt by now) and we can’t – with the best will in the world – do all the work ourselves. The ‘other half’ has been amazing, piecing together central heating, plumbing water systems, constructing things in wood (and bamboo!), to name just a few of the many jobs he’s done, and there seem to be so many more for us to do in the future. There’s no way on earth I could have considered doing this without him, nor would I have wanted to; this is a joint venture, a proper partnership. But there are jobs we can’t do; for safety’s sake and the restrictions of time, rewiring a house is not something you can just throw together. And though I’m sure he could have learned, neither is plastering a skill you can just pick up in five minutes. So we do have to rely on other people. We have found a great electrician through my sister, and we appear to have found a plasterer (finally!) and maybe a plumber who can commission the heating, both in the same way.

People ask me whether I’m excited about the move still and when I take a moment and stand back, or tell people about it, I am, who wouldn’t be? A new life, in a new home, lovingly restored by us, in a different country where there are new experiences to be had and a new language to learn; a quiet and simple life, close to the countryside around us. But day-to-day, day in, day out, you lose that. My days are spent planning and organising (I know, no surprise there!) trying to ensure we have all the items we need for the new house, researching on the Internet all things French, health care, taxation, checking prices, making sure the budget is squeezed and squeezed again, so we can make sure the priorities are covered. The house in the UK is in the process of having every visible surface cleaned and we’re packing and reorganising where we can. In the midst of all of that, the excitement gets lost somehow. Always busy, always something to do or think about and then there are disruptions, distractions, normal everyday life. That’s what this journey is really like daily.

But there are still good things to report. I’m hoping our new world will be more in tune with the environment and the seasons, and for those of you interested in the natural world, we have, along with the usual things you’d see in any British garden, seen of few things of note between us. On two occasions during my last visit I saw a red squirrel clambering down the tree trunks in our garden and investigating the lawn. I’ve had a report this week, while working on a bridge to connect the two halves of the garden over the usually empty rill, of a 3-foot snake slithering along it. Unfortunately, it had disappeared before the camera phone could be found, but identifying snakes is probably something we’ll need to learn. We’ve spent warm lunches sat outside on our stone bench watching the lizards in the courtyard sunning themselves, and there have been various sightings of our feathered friends. Buzzards seem to be everywhere in this part of France, but twice one has been spotted on a tree in the back garden near the barn, redstarts are also about and one was on the bedroom windowsill early one morning, and one of the biggest highlights for me so far was when we first arrived in France, before we’d even bought the house, seeing migrating cranes passing overhead on their way to their summer breeding sites. I’m looking forward to seeing them on their return.

I hope to be able to illustrate these blog posts with photos not just of the house but of our surroundings too. For the moment I can share some from previous trips that I haven’t posted before.
Fingers crossed you will join us as our journey continues. My aim, once we are in France full-time, is to try to do one of these once a week. Only the gods know if I’ll actually manage it…

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There’s something not quite right here - first posted 20/08/2012

20/8/2012

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There's something not quite right here - Dreya's World
Photo by DreyaB
I think I’ve made a mistake somewhere; got the wrong title for the blog perhaps. Maybe I should rename it? The Ordinary World of a Simple Girl not quite yet in France or, The Ordinary World of a Simple Girl’s Partner in France?

You see ‘the other half’ has been in France for the last 12 days working on the house. You know the kind of thing, hanging radiators, raising doors, plumbing in water systems, constructing partition walls? You don’t? That may be a blessing… Anyway, being without him, though a sensible and logical decision – he works there; I sort and organise here – has been one of the most difficult things I’ve done in a long time. (And I feel like I’ve done a few recently.)

I realised that I would miss him of course, we’ve been together quite a while now and haven’t really been apart since we moved in, but I don’t think I realised quite how much I would miss him. The anticipation of him going wasn’t great and then when he was actually set to go I didn’t think I would actually stop hugging him, until he prised me, limpet-like, off. But it’s while he’s been away that’s actually got to me properly.

For the first few days I couldn’t even look at his slippers without them setting me off! Avoiding going to bed is a strange one; so that you’re not reminded of the fact that he’s not there. But it’s the adaptations I’ve made, that just creep up on you, that are the most surprising. Part of me has gone back to an old life, a previous time when I lived alone. Back to walking the dog twice a day instead of once – apart from when my generous Dad comes and takes her out – eating meals on a tray watching the telly, doing everything really to look after a household alone, while still trying to progress our move to France. And I didn’t even blink, I just did it, got on with it, and it’s only really when you look back that you realise quite how much you’ve changed and adapted to the circumstances. That’s what’s surprising, what’s scary.

Being on my own in the house, also stirs old memories. Memories of a time when I lived alone because I’d been dumped and I’d lost myself; forgotten who I really was and who I hoped to be. A time of recovery and of healing myself and moving on. Thankfully I haven’t spent a lot of time where I’ve dwelt on that while he’s been away; I’ve just been missing his presence, talking, sharing the events of the day, making decisions about the future, that’s what’s really been missing.

There is one thing that I’m proud of since I’ve been on my own. I’ve rediscovered my ability to cook (normally the other half does it all – lucky me! – he’s got a catering background and a natural ability). Now I’m not talking anything fancy. I’ve not been whipping up any Jamie Oliver recipes or anything, but I remember the last time I was like this I practically lived off microwave meals. (Now how many of you who live or lived alone cook properly – fresh veg, meat, gravy or pans, ovens, mixing things? Be honest! I only know one so far.) This time around I’ve actually cooked pasta from scratch, boiled potatoes and cooked meat and cabbage, (not all for the same meal I hasten to add!) and – and this is the surprising bit – I’ve enjoyed it! I’ve not done it every night or anything, there has been a frozen pizza in there, but I’m pleased with myself that I’ve done it, bothered and enjoyed it. A sense of achievement is always something to be positive about.

But enough is enough! I’m not doing this ‘on my own’ bit any more! (Or not for a while any way.) I’ve made a decision. I’m off! It’s all booked – the automobile, train and plane! – and I’m on my way over to France. I won’t just be talking to the dog any more, there’ll be another human being to mutter to and grunt at. And at the end of the day it’s his birthday and we can’t have him alone on his birthday can we? So ‘au revoir’, or should that be ‘a bientôt’?! I’ll be back in less than a week – provided the truck gets us home all right…

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A day off… - first posted 01/08/2012

1/8/2012

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A day off... - Dreya's World
Photo by DreyaB
It’s been a funny kind of day. I woke this morning from another dream of being chased. Apparently I’m trying to escape from stress…

Today was the first day in seven and a half years where I became officially unemployed and though we have all these plans in place for a future in France, it has still been an emotional day. Even though I knew this day was coming several months ago, I am still experiencing a sense of loss and rejection and I find this sad and slightly upsetting. I don’t want to be a ‘woe is me’ kind of person; I’m generally not I think.

So to ease my unrest I appear to have taken an unplanned ‘day off’. I’ve watched people achieve great success and attain their goals, with the support of thousands, if not millions of others, all urging them on, to reach their peak and strive for excellence. This in itself has been inspiring and emotional, a release if you will.

I’ve surfed the net and read about others pursuing their lives in the way they see fit, in balance and in peace; ready to take advice if requested and teach through example by just being.

And during this ‘day off’ I’ve come to realise that this day, this funny, sad, emotional, ordinary day, is just the start. It’s just the next step, at the beginning of another personal journey. Moving forwards, towards a life of simplicity, harmony and balance.

Today is my first proper step and I’m thankful for that. I wasn’t, I couldn’t see what the day was showing me, but I am now and I am truly grateful.

I knew this wasn’t going to be easy; that there would be a lot of hard work, but I hadn’t expected that acceptance was also going to be part of the journey. Hopefully now I’m further on the path towards that, towards a future of contentment and acceptance.

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Before we get started - first posted 30/07/2012

30/7/2012

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Before we get started - Dreya's World
Photo by DreyaB
Well I feel I’m being a little previous here, as I’m not actually in France as I type, but it’s not been long since we came back.

That was from the second of our trips this year; the one where we signed on the dotted line to purchase our new house. Admittedly the house is only new to us and not newly built. Oh no, there’s plenty of work to be done to get this rural French property spick and span, but that’s supposed to be the fun of it.

It’s taken four months from us seeing it and having the offer accepted, to going to the Notaire and receiving the key (just the one). I can’t decide whether the time has flown or dragged, but we’ve got it now. Now is when the real work starts. It’s all very well planning, organising and e-mailing, but that only gets you so far. Now we have to make this long dwelled over dream a reality.

We started to get the hang of this when we spent the first four nights of our ownership, occupying the place; though I guess most would describe it a ‘roughing it’ in some form or another. I have to admit we were so dubious about the state of the electrical wiring in the place that we didn’t dare flick on the main switch until the fourth day. Thankfully, no rogue sparks materialised and no hair was left stood on end. That can’t be said about investigations into the septic tank, but less said about that the better.

Despite the fact that the house is in Central SW France (an area generally warmer than the UK during the majority of the year), I think the first night we stayed in the house was one of the coldest I have experienced. Our own fault of course, just a few blankets and an airbed between us and a concrete floor; one of those times I can live without experiencing again. The borrowing of thick cushions for a couple of nights and relocating to an upstairs wooden floor saved us from repeating our first night feat. You live and learn.

Now you may at this stage, (those quick-witted amongst you), be wondering why we didn’t just sleep upstairs in the first place. There is a reason. It had something to do with there being no balustrade of any form around the stairs, a downstairs bathroom and a rather large fear of breaking one’s neck during the night when one had to ‘spend a penny’ as the saying goes. By the last night we’d got the hang of the place, had realised we could approach the stairs from the right angle without mortally wounding ourselves and had already returned the borrowed cushions to their rightful home.

There are of course many other small tales to tell about our first adventure in our new home, like how we can’t get the car through the back gate or how we had to release a bird caught in the conservatory, but they can be told later.

The point of me looking back now, amidst the chaos of planning the renovation of our future home, is how simple and freeing this feels. How hard you work produces direct results for you and yours. Everything you work on is to benefit you and your family. You can see the link, feel it even. I guess it’s like knowing where your food comes from, how it’s been grown or what sort of life it’s had, but the connection to the effort you put in and the result you get is tangible. I do hope we can achieve the life we set out to; to keep the connection; to feel it every day and to keep things simple and in balance.

I guess we’ll have to wait and see, but for now I’m planning on keeping this connection just in reach.

2 Responses to Before we get started
  1. Wendy McPhee says: August 1, 2012 at 8:56 pm I love your new life already! Can’t wait to keep up to speed on developments as they happen – this is such a great way of using your writing skills to bring living in France to us back in England xx

    Reply
    • anorthyorkshirelass says: August 3, 2012 at 9:12 am Thanks Wendy, glad you like it. Fingers crossed I can find the time & inspiration to keep it going.

      Reply
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It just takes time - first posted 04/09/2011

4/9/2011

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It just takes time - Dreya's World
Photo by DreyaB
I seem to be going through a ‘creative’ phase, both experimenting things like this, in terms of using the written word and with, let's call it visual art. My photography seems OK to me. I need to learn more about the technical side of things, but I know what I like to take pictures of and some of them can come out OK. I’d like to be able to write stories but that’s for some point in the future. I think I can use the written word all right for diaries and journals, articles and reports and all the other areas of the written world I’m interested in.

What I’m currently finding curious is my attraction and delaying tactics when it comes to learning more about my artistic ability. Over the years I have gathered the tools and equipment for drawing, sketching and watercolour painting and have even taken a watercolour course a fair few years ago. I’m currently not just dragging these items out again but adding and responding to my creative impulses by purchasing craft items. I’ve made soap, started to experiment with paper crafts and am generally drawn to bright colourful items such as modelling clays, glitter, pens and the like. However, when it comes to the opportunity to actually use some of these items I balk.

Today is a perfect example. I have the day and the house to myself. The regular housework and jobs are all done and apart from tea this evening I have the chance to spend my time doing whatever I like. I realise there are thousands of women (and men) who are now just green with envy as they can’t remember the last time they had such an opportunity. And to those of you I apologise. But for the few of you out there who understand where I’m coming from, I’m trying to figure out what’s going on with me. I have time to kill and what am I doing? Well, this firstly! Instead of pulling out watercolour paper and paint I’m trying to figure myself out. If I wasn’t doing this I could be reading, listening to CDs, playing games on the computer, sorting photos. Anything but being artistic.

What’s going on? Why am I procrastinating? Do I not believe I can do it? – That’s probably it you know, I don’t believe in myself. I’ve done loads of things in my life, all mainly average, a few a bit different. Managed to keep a job on the go for over twenty years (most of the time), but deep down I still don’t believe I can create something from scratch. I don’t believe I can create a beautiful painting, and I don’t believe I can write a novel, but still I keep coming back to the idea of these. What is it? Do I really like that much of a challenge?!

I’ve learnt over the years that I tend to like variety in my life, in my work and the things that interest me. And I know if I put my mind to it I can achieve practically anything I want to. Are these just the ramblings of a spoilt brat?! Well, no. My family were typically ‘working class’ and we didn’t have loads of money while we were growing up and though I held a job for these years you are never going to call me rolling in it. I can afford the basics in life and a few treats now and again, much more than some I know. So no, I’m not a spoilt brat. But what is this? Why don’t I believe I can do this? Why can’t I trust in myself this time? Perhaps that’s it – time. I’m looking for perfection and I’ve not put in the time. I guess practise is what counts. I can’t expect to buy some kit, read some books and hey presto(!) I’m an author, or a painter. That’s just insulting to all the professionals out there. Can we really believe that those highly skilled individuals out there, the Monets and Austens, the Hemingways and Picassos just suddenly got a gift from the universe? Surely they had to put in hours and hours of practise, honing their skills, working with their instincts and learning to believe in themselves.

In today’s immediate Western society we are all so used to having things land in our laps, finding things out at the touch of a button, clicking our fingers and there it is, that I can be guilty of forgetting that some things, and some skills take time, patience and commitment. They take work and perseverance and I hold my hands up and apologise to all the professionals out there, to all of you who were shouting this answer out to me and most of all to myself. For giving myself such a hard time and for expecting me to be able to find a lifetime’s skill in just a few hours of trying. (Or in this case not trying!) I’ll make a promise to myself right now that I will aim to lower my expectations and that I will commit to giving myself permission to practise, to try and fail and to try again, and to learn to have fun, experiment and to play, while I patiently learn my lesson.

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Just the beginning - first posted 01/09/2011

1/9/2011

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Just the beginning - Dreya's World
Photo by DreyaB
Well, this is something new for me; I’ve never had a blog before. It felt like the time was right for me to join the modern world, but being me, in a slightly different way.

I just wanted to take the opportunity to have my voice out there in the world, representing both myself and hopefully to some extend the ‘average’ person in the UK, whatever ‘average’ means. So I’m going to write now and again about what’s important to me, or what’s on my mind. I’m not expecting comments or feedback. This is just my chance to get my thoughts and views ‘out there’ without any fixed expectations. 

I hope to be able to add a little positivity to the ordinary world, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to be a source of inspiration or anything clever like that. I certainly don’t have all the answers, and if I want to have a bit of a moan then nothing’s going to stop that too much either. However, I do want to be able to focus on raising subjects and thoughts that have some significance to me or the world around me, though grand ‘social comment’ is not my intention either. I just want to comment on the ordinary world of an average, everyday kind of female in the UK today, and I hope that as you’re reading this you don’t mind that too much either.

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    Dreya B

    Here you'll find my musing and thoughts in no particular categories, just chronological order. The blog posts from earlier dates appeared on a few independent blogs, but I've brought everything together in one place. If you'd like to know a little more about me try the 'About' page.

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